Farewell to Bri

fare·well

ˌferˈwel/

exclamation

exclamation: farewell

1.

used to express good wishes on parting.

(NOT Goodbye)

"Some people live more in twenty years than others do in Eighty. It's not the time that matters but the PERSON."
                         ~ The Doctor


     I scribbled a thousand thoughts on paper, rearranged them, crossed them out and wrote more...none of them were adequate. There are not enough adjectives in the languages of the world, not enough musical notes, song lyrics, church hymns, or Dr. Who Quotes to appropriately describe Brianna Lynn.

     Brianna IS a daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin, girlfriend, friend, a child of God....even in death this remains. Her love, our love does not waiver.  She exists for all of us, forever....that bright beautiful soul is here, always.  The truest form of Brianna never dies.  Let her bring you peace.  She will blow your tears dry.  She will listen when you call. She will touch you gently when you need it.  She will be your protector.  She will give you courage. Feel it?  BELIEVE, have FAITH! She is forever the light in our darkness.  Our souls are pure energy. Energy has no beginning and no end. It can never be destroyed. It just changes form. She is all the stars in the sky, the lightening in the storm, the moon peaking through the clouds, the beauty of a rainbow, the dancing of a butterfly in flight, and the sunshine when you need it most.

     Brianna was excellent at keeping us on our toes - high alert status!  She carried that stubbornness with grace! Always ready for the fight, always getting her way. However, she would turn in a heartbeat and give anything you needed...the shirt from her back, the shoes from her feet, a much needed hug and OH, that smile or the one raised brow smirk! She was fun, artsy, goofy and loved to laugh. She was kindness; she was beauty in every sense of the word - but especially from the heart! She loved fiercely...her friends, her animals, her man, her family!

     But...God had a plan - it wasn't ours. No preparation...we deny, we get angry, we mourn, we regret, we question with the "What if's?". We wonder with the "I should have's?". We know though...none of it would have changed anything. Now we have moments of her life to keep us company, to keep her close. Pictures on paper, memories in the mind...we can hear her laughter, her tears, her joy, her anger, her voice; we can feel her love. That will never fade.  I am comforted by the last memory I have of Bri. I can stand at my kitchen window, whenever I want, I can look into my backyard and I can see her sitting with Jason, holding hands, smiling.  I will have that forever. She may have left this world, but know that she left us happy! These moments in her life, that are a part of our lives, is what we will cherish, hold dearest in our hearts, in the depths of our Souls. Then, when our time is here, we will have that reunion, a new moment with Brianna in heavenly eternity (where she is more than likely running the show)!

"Realize deeply, that the present moment is all you ever have!" ~ Eckhart Tolle 

 

Charity

Sometimes we are the receiver.  Sometimes we are the giver.  Either way, it brings happiness, joy and love!

           The definition of charitable or charity do not really need explanation.  The thing that needs explaining is how the needs of others should NEVER be questioned or judged.  What one is in need of may seem unnecessary to you or I, but it isn't our need.  If you don't feel a giving heart for that cause, then don't give.  It is not ours to say if someone else should give. It is that simple. We all have our own causes and our own need.  Be passionate about yours, don't bring judgement to another.  The power of social media has given us all an opportunity to spread good will in our community and across the globe.  Take advantage of it! Giving a dollar or even a benevolent smile can change the world, don't think for a second that it doesn't make a difference. It does! It gives opportunity and encouragement where there was none. 

           Don't be ashamed of charity offered to you or having to ask for it.  That is what we are all here for. To give and to receive. It's a fairly simple, commonsensical concept. Get it out of your head that you're too good to receive it, just be grateful for the blessing. Get it out of your head that you don't need to give, it hardens the heart. Being stubborn or greedy will get you nowhere in life.

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is BLESSED." 

~ Maya Angelou ~

Memories of the Birthday that Wasn't

I wrote this 2 years ago on my 40th Birthday and have added a couple of things, but for the most part, it remains the memories of an 11 year old, heart broken girl on her birthday.  

          29 years ago on my 11th birthday I was awoken to the news of my Grandma Murdoch's passing.  As a child, I was torn on whether or not I should go to school.  I did after all have candy to pass out.  I decided to stay home and ate the candy myself.  I don't recall if I shared it with my 4 brothers.  More than likely not, since I don't have a memory of it.  I was quite angry that my Grandmother chose my day to die.  I couldn't imagine a more horrific reason to not want to celebrate my birthday ever again.  Not to mention that the days following would have NOTHING to do with me.  Quite a selfish little brat I was, huh?  I recall lots of relatives appearing, family friends stopping by, the planning of the wake/funeral and wanting so badly to be a part, yet keeping to myself.  I don't remember if there was a happy birthday sang or mom's famous chocolate sheet cake made.  How could she do this to me?  No more shopping trips or lunches out.  No more movies (she introduced me to Little Orphan Annie and E.T.) or trips to Marshall Fields to visit her while she worked. They had the BEST chocolate cookies. No more spending the night, Halloween visits, or Christmas Eve dinners.  No more Saturday evening masses sitting in the front pew or surprise visits to get me out of yard work that she felt the boys should be doing.  No more Birthday PRESENTS!  Well, apparently just one more!   Someone appeared with a box (not sure what day) that contained a pair of purple knickers and a long sleeved white and purple shirt from, where else, Marshall Fields!  She remembered (not sure if it really did come from her, but at the time it didn't matter)!  Had she ever let me down?  So it wasn't some great piece of heirloom jewelry (that didn't matter to an 11 year old), but I wore them with pride and confidence (and EVERYONE made fun of me)! Even after they had ripped and no longer fit I didn't want to let them go! It has not gotten easier to be without her these past 29 Birthdays. I still cry over her absence, my wedding especially hard.  I walked down the aisle carrying a white hankie that my Aunt Barb purchased. The note with it read "In memory of someone who thought you were pretty special." We were able to get married at Old St. Mary's Church in Mokena where she is buried next to my Grandfather.   We played Hail Mary, Gentle Woman during the wedding, a song from her funeral mass and placed flowers at her & Grandpa's grave.  I know she has been here with me through it all, I couldn't have asked for a better Guardian Angel than God has given me.  It took me some time to realize that her passing on my birthday was a gift and not a curse.  She has brought me through a lot and the memories of Grandma curled in her chair with an afghan, a pop, her rosary and prayer book can bring a smile to my face whenever I need one. The emptiness of her absence will never cease, but knowing she was strong and happy during her years here does help.  Her love is forever felt in my heart, especially today on my 40th Birthday!

The words I wrote as an 11 year old....

"Grandma." I say and I can't hear your voice or wipe away the pain.
I see you in my dreams,
I remember some days, good and bad,
When you were well and picked me up from school,
Or when you were sick, on a Sunday after church
We would come and visit you.
I will remember that day,
The sounds of everyones pain,
It hurt, It was my birthday.
You weren't there,
No celebrations I would have
There were more important things to tend to.
I felt privileged though, believe it or not,
But also, a little cheated
God chose a good day for you to die.
I cried, sometimes still do.
I remember your face
  and that purple dress that covered up your neck.
I said good-bye,
One last time.
I miss you Grandma,
But I'll see you one day
Up there in paradise and hopefully,
  you will look the same as I remember,
When I turned eleven,
On my Birthday,
The day God took you away!

This year would have been Grandma's 100th Birthday.

Copyright © 10/15/2011
Sandra Becker

The Reunion

            I never put much stock in the number that is my age. Hitting 30 and even 40 never concerned me too awful much.  After all, you only become a day older than you were the day before your birthday.  Your age is just a number and cannot measure the life you live.  However, death is a different story!  Two losses in the last week have hit me pretty hard.  This has left me pondering, as those numbers keep adding up, the age of those around me are also adding up.  Unfortunately with every passing second comes the chance meeting with death, for all ages.  Acceptance of age is one thing.  Acceptance of death, a whole different thing!

          With death comes sorrow and all the thoughts of the should haves and would haves.  I can honestly say that the only regret I have with the recent loss in our family is that I wish we had more time to visit.  I feel very blessed with what time we did have.  Very blessed that my Uncle Fritz was able to visit this past summer with Aunt Becky for our Miller Family Reunion.  I will treasure the time they spent here!  The memories are forever and bring some contentment at this time!  These memories of Uncle Fritz will mean everything with each passing day!  The heartbreak is never easy and it is always helpful to have the support of family friends while grieving. 

           As prayers & condolences flooded FaceBook after Uncle Fritz's passing on Friday night, there were many words that brought peace.  Unfortunately, no words could take away the sorrow.  When my Uncle Jim posted yesterday, there was a barrage of condolences on his status, but one in particular stopped my flood of tears and actually brought a smile to my face.  One comment that made me stop and rethink death all together!  I don't know this person, but credit is due to Dinah Torres-Quinones (a friend of Uncle Jim's) for the following words she wrote: 

"I have prayed for your brother and his family and am so sorry to hear that he has passed. I pray now that you will all find comfort in your wonderful memories and in a truth I hold on to daily after my father passed, Fritz is not in your past but instead he has transitioned into your future! What a glorious reunion in heaven to look forward to. May your family be surrounded by the sweet presence of the Holy Spirit and in time that your mourning be turned to joy."  

What an incredible, faithful thought!  We all say when someone dies "Some day we will see them in Heaven", but how many of us look forward to it?  We anticipate life events like a graduation, marriage, family get togethers or the birth of a baby.  How many of us anticipate the reunion in heaven?  Why not?  

          Ultimately, our faith is suppose to prepare us for the journey to our death.  This life was never the true goal that God set for us.  Our earthly life is to live faithfully, to learn and give of ourselves for the benefit of others.  To HELP those less fortunate.  We are here as preparation for eternal life in Heaven.  This life tests us on a constant basis and when God calls us, we go!  So now, as Dinah said, we have a reunion to look forward to, with Uncle Fritz and so many others that God has called along the way!  

(As it turns out, Dinah shares her words of wisdom in a blog.  Check it out here:
http://dinahsdailydose.wordpress.com/)

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)