A Sort of Letter to Myself

I wrote myself a letter
A "How do you do?" letter.
"Where ya been?
What ya up to?
How's the weather?"
I didn't get much of a response...
Actually, I got nothing.

I persisted,
"How are you feeling?
Are you happy? Or sad?
Have you been busy?
Anything new?
Hello!! Are you there?"
Myself was slow to reply...
Her answers, whispers I couldn't make out.

Angrily I continued...
"Why are you hiding?
What's the deal?
Don't have time for me?
Open your ears!"

Myself retorted...

It wasn't pretty.

"Leave me alone!

I'm exhausted!

Get out of my face!

Go back where you came from!"

"Wow!" I thought,  "Not quite what I expected."
"You really should lighten up.
Things aren't that bad.
Where are you at? I'll come visit!"

With a huff and a sigh, myself caved...

"Okay, I'm here in the corner of our mind.

The chaos is overwhelming.

I'm just trying to weed through it all.

I feel attacked, on all sides, from every angle.

I can't see, our fears have flooded my sight."

There you are....
"Oh, how I have missed you.
Please come out and visit with me & I.
Let's just sit and breathe for awhile.
We've found a corner of silence, it's just what you need.
Can you hear it? No...over here.
Centered in our soul.
Get out of our brain for a moment."

Myself rolled her eyes in agitation...

"I can't do that. Too much to do.

I have errands to run.

I have bills to pay.

I have to fix this and that.

I have to solve the chaotic maze of hell! 

It's running our brain.

There's all that household crap.

There's all that family stuff.

The learning stuff.

It's a never-ending barrage to concentrate on!

Why are you two always slacking?"

I couldn't help but chuckle...

Which pissed myself off.

"You're so out of tune.

You have to take a break.

We need you here, present...to accomplish all of that!

Can't sit in silence without myself.

You're pulling us deeper in. 

Me & I don't appreciate that.

Please, just stop and sit.

The brain will be there when we are done.

It'll be calmer, I promise.

Then we can take care of the chaos together.

If we sit in silence,

It will be less

and 'we' will be more!

We have to come home to ourself!"

Sandra M Becker

Copyright © January 10, 2017

I found myself...

I found myself in the morning glow of the sunrise
and in the vibrant colors of the sunset.

I found myself in the new day
and in the onset of night.

I found myself in the wonders of the moon
and in the wishes on shooting stars.

I found myself on the highest mountain
and in the lowest valley.

I found myself in the darkest storms
and in the gentlest rains.

I found myself in the depths of the universe
and in the surface of the earth.

I found myself in the pounding ocean waves

and in the calm of a pond.

I found myself in the thickest mud
and in the softest grass.

I found myself in the murkiest of waters
and in the clearest skies. 

I found myself in the blackest night
and in the sunniest day.

I found myself in the ugliness of the world
and in the beauty of nature.

I found myself in my most negative thoughts
and in my happiest moments.

I found myself in anger
and in kindness.

I found myself in the fights
and in the apologies.

I found myself in the most chaotic situations
and in the calmest corners.

I found myself in insults
and in compliments.

I found myself in failure
and in success.

I found myself in arguments
and in silence.

I found myself in the memories of the deceased
and in the words of the living.

I found myself in broken promises
and in dreams.

I found myself in the music
and in the lyrics.

I found myself in my sadness
and in my happiness.

I found myself in my wanderings
and in my stillness.

I found myself in hatred
and in love.

I found myself nowhere
and everywhere.

I found myself in my soul...
        not in your perception.


Sandra Murdoch-Becker
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