New Year! New Who?

End of the Pity Party:  I don't need a new me!  I need to find the old ME!

           Having Kids with special needs sets you up for a life of "The poor me" syndrome!  You can fall into a depressive, angry state of life without even realizing it.  Daily pity parties become a way of life and before you realize it years have passed.  Where did all the fun go?  Time to move on and upward from this type of life!  I woke up with only a few days left to 2011 and decided enough was enough!  I couldn't live like this anymore.  I have not only turned myself into an abominable mess of a person, but my children are now living an anxiety ridden, miserable being!  Where to start?  It is all in the attitude!  Yep, that is all it takes!  Enough of the yelling, talking down and anger.  I started to realize how much of my pity parties were about my selfishness over ridiculous things!  I have kids, why would I think I was ever going to sleep in again or get to watch television that wasn't rated G!  I had to stop and think about why I had kids and why I wanted them to begin with!  Life isn't suppose to be like this!  Why am I so unhappy?  Well, this is where I started and the path I am trying to continue on for 2012!

1. ACCEPT: Accepting the imperfection (not dysfunction) of our family was the most important!  I could not expect perfection in life when I myself could not produce it, let alone expect if from my kids or hubby!
2.  CHILL OUT:  The anxiety I produce affects everyone around me!  This had to be a very conscious effort.  I stress over everything, things I cannot change, and it can and will take over life!
3. SMILE & LAUGH:  I never smile or laugh anymore!  When, on the rare occasion that I did, it actually hurt because I wasn't use to it! Now I find myself standing in the door way watching my kids goofy antics and smiling at them instead of yelling at them.
4. THEY ARE KIDS:  Remind yourself of this!  I'm not saying let them run the house.  I still yell and get irritated.  Just remember they are suppose to have fun, not act like adults!
5. THINGS:  Quit looking for things to make you happy!  Teach your children this (I have totally failed at this)!  Keeping up with the Jones' is not getting you anywhere. Time is all you really need, TOGETHER!  Sometimes ALONE! Sometimes a date with your SPOUSE (or significant other)!
6. SUPPORT: You will need to be upset, sad, angry, etc. You will need to vent without laying all on your kids.  Find a friend who gets it or find a group.  I found mine on Facebook through a group called Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid.  A group for parents of Special Needs Children.  There are a lot of people that do not care for the title of this group or the book written by Gina Gallagher and Patricia Konjoian. However, through this group, I found a judgement free zone of love, caring and understanding.  I also found a way to give back by simply being able to say to others "I get it"!  There are many on-line support groups, find one that is right for you!
7. DROP THE DRAMA:  I realized I can be as big of a drama queen as my kids! (Need I say more?)
8. PICK YOUR BATTLES:  Is it a big deal if your 7 year old goes to bed wearing a winter hat when the heat index is 112? Or, for that matter, if your 10 year old is running around the house in a tank top and shorts when there is a -10 degree wind chill?
9. MANNERS: Remember the age old saying "Do as I say, not as I do."?  That is out the door.  I found if I am polite with a please and thank you then my kids are typically very accommodating to my requests.  If I demand things of them, they give me attitude.
10. LOVE: "All you need is Love!"  Lennon knew what he was talking about.  Hugs and kisses all around make for happier children, making for happier parents!

           Think of your own ways to have a "Happy" Life!  I could go on forever with this.  End the Pity Party and find the old you!