Teenage Angst

Defiance: Open resistance; bold disobedience.

        As our 14 year old is quickly trying to discover who she is and what she wants, she is throwing everything she knows out the window.  Thus the word, DEFIANCE!  There have been four constants to her life: softball, drawing, volleyball and violin.  What we have come to realize is that because we enjoy that she does these things, she must eliminate them!  She dumped volleyball at the beginning of the school year, softball last Tuesday and just Tuesday night we came out of violin lesson with her intent on quitting her lessons.  Unfortunately I cannot physically pick her up and take her to these activities and force her to participate.  I was ready to cry.  She has talent!  The problem, she doesn't want to work towards better!  I gave her the typical parental talk!  Told her how lucky she is to have so many great opportunities to better herself and how all of these things will help in preparing her for great opportunities in college and beyond.  How she doesn't have to be a professional at any of them, but they will benefit her.  Most importantly, I told her, I don't want to hear in 10 years how I didn't push her to continue and how she wished I had!  I never, ever want to hear those words from my kids mouths!  She of course, huffed and sighed and rolled her eyes at me.  She yelled at me because, well, because I am apparently an idiot.  No, really, she accused me of claiming to know what she wants and what she thinks.  That I must be, in her words, a fricken' magician!  (She is very good with rhyming also.)

        Her newest infatuation is the bass guitar.  Camron got her a used bass guitar a few months ago and for Christmas she received a small amp so she could practice.  Really, for as badly as she wanted it, she isn't putting much time into it!  Of course, that is also our fault.  We have not provided enough space and time for her to practice.  We get that there is chaos in this house on a constant basis, but if you want to do something and better yourself, you will find a way!  Sitting in front of the TV during your free time isn't going to improve your bass, violin, volleyball or softball abilities!  The important thing is that I managed to keep my cool through this (there is that patience thing again)!  I wanted to yell and scream and tell her what a stupid decision this was, but I held it together, although VERY ticked off!  We made it home and I let her go to her room and cry and call me every name in the book.  After some time had passed I went up and told her that she #1 - couldn't expect us not to be mad about it and #2 - couldn't avoid hearing any of the things we had to say about it.  Then I left and told her to absorb it all.  Camron and I ultimately decided that completely quitting violin lessons was out since 4 months prior she wanted to try out for Symphony Orchestra at school and the local Metropolitan Youth Symphony Orchestra.  Not to mention she just got a new violin in August!  So we decided to COMPROMISE with a 14 year old.  I know, crazy!  We told her that she could take the rest of January off!  Starting in February she would go to violin lessons every other week and as long as she continued to practice and go to lessons that she could have bass lessons on the opposite weeks.  You know what she said?  She said, "Oh, Okay!"  I said, "HUH?"  She agreed.

         Now I know, having dealt with so many of Maggie's difficulties, that she needs more structure.  A total overhaul of her schedule.  The big question is how do you do this with a 14 year old without the fight!  I have already decided I am done with the constant drama that runs rapid through our house, so how do I do this in a nice calm, melancholy way so she won't notice?  This should be fun!  I am sure there will be many more upcoming posts regarding this subject!  Stay tuned!  I will begin today after school enforcing the violin practice!  Send me some good juju!