Tomorrow will mark the end of Lilly's fifth year at Eisenhower Academy. They have a ceremony called Fifth Grade Farewell before they move on to Junior High. Eisenhower has been an incredible experience for Lilly and has really helped her grow academically and as a person. Lilly completed first through fifth grade on high honors, every quarter, all five years. I am, we are, so incredibly proud of her! As we celebrate this amazing milestone though, I am also completely broken! Crying for Maggie! That she will NEVER have this opportunity! That I was not able to heal her to a point that she could accomplish this or that she could have the chance to even try! So often, I feel like such a complete failure in everything I have tried for her! I had to accept a long time ago, that even though her IQ is through the roof, that she probably was not going to be given the opportunities that Annabelle & Lilly have had. It doesn't mean I don't fight every day to get her there! It most definitely does not mean that it doesn't break my heart! Over and over, again! As her Mother, it devastates me! I watch those days of complete and total "normalcy" between Maggie, Lilly and Annabelle, where they are equal! Where Maggie's brilliance shines through with her sisters! I ask, why not every day? What are we missing? It is painstaking! She has missed out on the academic cultivation that Eisenhower could have given her, going to the same school as her sisters, the incredible music program Dist 86 offers and the friendship of kids in the same area! I feel there is so much more for her, like she is being held back when she should be excelling! It exhausts me! As we search for a preschool that is a right fit for Murdoch, the same feelings hit. I am so thankful that our other children don't have the same struggles that Maggie has, but I know I will feel the same as Murdoch begins hitting his milestones! It will be a continuous vicious cycle. As I sit in Eisenhower's Gym tomorrow, I will beam with pride and excitement for Lilly! I will keep it about her, but I guarantee there will be tears of both joy, for Lilly, and sadness, for Maggie!
