Remember Thanksgiving?

Year after year Christmas gets its start earlier and earlier. This year it began before Halloween. Maybe it’s because of the recession, but really do we need to see Christmas before Halloween? It’s the retailer’s way of saying “You had better start your shopping before time runs out!” I have come to the conclusion that two very important factors are being forgotten: 1) Thanksgiving is a month before Christmas and 2) Christmas is the Christian celebration of the Birth of Jesus Christ, not a celebration of retail shopping! Okay, even if you aren’t a Christian and don’t celebrate Christmas as Jesus’ Birthday, it still has more meaning to it than buying ugly sweaters and unwanted doodads (we can save this subject for another time)! Too often people are forgetting these factors. Can we please put aside the Christmas decorations and the shopping and remember Thanksgiving this year??? We have a lot to be Thankful for in this World. I for one am thankful that I had this opportunity to share my thoughts with everyone who reads this.

It was a week before Thanksgiving and preparations had already started!

Decorations crowded the stores and the season shown in everyone’s smiles.

The air was brisk, as children prayed for snow.

Traffic was backed up every street corner I turned.

The Turkey’s thawing in the refrigerator,

The china and crystal have been cleaned.

The House is in tip, top shape, for the guests we will be greeting.

Not one cobweb can be seen, fluttering from the ceiling.

Grandma’s eyes are gleaming, while Grandpa is fast asleep in front of the TV.

Finally with one flip of the switch, THE CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTS UP????

WHAT?

CHRISTMAS TREE?

What happened to Thanksgiving?

You know, turkey and stuffing, family and friends, a little football on the television!

Thanking our creator and each other, for what we truly love and have!

Thanking…Thanksgiving!!

They go hand in hand!

Have we forgotten this holiday that’s so important to our lives?

Can we not set one short season aside to say THANK YOU?

Thank you that we are alive?

Or have the presents, the trees, the lights and the hype of Christmas become so much that we have forgotten, not only Thanksgiving, but that it’s not presents but the Birth of Jesus Christ, that Christmas is about?

Thanksgiving has been forgotten much earlier this year…

The trees are up,

Christmas Carols are being blared.

Santa Clause has already come to town, weeks ago apparently!

So since people have forgotten to prepare for Thanksgiving this year

Here are the thanks that are in my heart….

Thank you for my life, health, family and friends!

The food that will be at my table when others will have none!

Thank you for my husband’s job and our home!

Thank you for my community that will share with those that have no one!

Thank you for my country, great land of liberty, and those that are protecting

us far from home!

Thank you for not letting me forget that Thanksgiving is a meaningful time of

our autumn season!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING and thank you for being you, my friends and family!

Copyright © November 12, 2009

Sandie Becker

My Parents

This was my Commemorative Speech from my college public speaking class. Some of it may be a "little" exaggerated, but for the most part it really hits on what life in the Murdoch household was like! 

Mom & Dad, every day should be Mother's & Father's day for the hell you have lived through having us kids! Love you both!

My Parents

My Parents!  Mom and Dad!  Who are they?  I am really not sure.  I have known them for 20 years and I still have not figured them out.  I watched them raise five kids, including myself, and am still watching them raise another.  I am really surprised they are still alive.  After all, we have put them through hell more than a dozen times and have given them plenty of opportunities to drop dead from a heart attack.  My parents have probably seen more stationary from schools than the schools knew they had.  They received notices for detentions, suspensions, progress reports, and letters from teachers.  So, they scolded us, cursed us, grounded us, starved us, took the car away from us and have even forbidden us to breathe.  Nothing worked.  Yet, they never gave us away.  They watched us terrorize their home, put holes in the walls; more holes than anyone could ever count, break each others bones, cut each others hair and on a good day they would sit back and watch the five of us in a pile screaming and punching, trying to hurt whoever got in the way.  Sometimes even drawing blood.  Yet, Mom and Dad, stood by us through everything.  They gave us money when we were broke and still do.  They were there through all our troubles,  boyfriends, girlfriends, our first encounter with alcohol, smoking, and drugs.  Through broken friendships, problems at school and even death.  They always had a word of advice, which of course, we never listened to.  Oh, by the way, no matter what my parents say they are not always right!  Sometimes I really wonder if they are even human at all!

Our parents brought us into this world and we all knew they could have taken us out of it!  I am the only girl out of five kids, and the only normal one!  I was not the worst of us kids, but I did my share of not so smart things.  I started the bathroom garbage on fire and I crashed the snowmobile into the neighbors house.  Fortunately, we can now sit back and laugh at the holes in the walls, the fire, the crash, and the time Rich threw Dave into the bathtub and busted the tile surround down. Yes, all of us lived through this!

Mom and Dad even took us on vacations, believe it or not!  Long drives in the station wagon with five kids fighting in the back.  We went on camping trips to a place called nowhere!  You know, "Where we going Dad?"  "Nowhere!  Now leave me alone!"  You never know what could happen on a trip like this, and if it could happen, it did.  Bee stings, poison ivy, scraped knee, raccoons stealing food out of the coolers, sunburns, stepping on a rock, the gutsy little fish nibbling on you while you were swimming, the boat overturning and so much more!  The soft-shell turtle that Dad thought was a log and scaring each other with fish heads!  Hard to believe they put up with us through all of this and still took us camping again!  Of course, we never thought us kids would come back from these trips alive!

We were always crying because of this or that; my new box of crayolas that melted all over the dash of the car, a broke toy, or because of a bump on the head.  There was always those stormy nights when we fit seven people in my parents bed and of course those agonizing screams from a bad dream or a monster under the bed!  Tears were shed for everything, big or little, as long as it made Mom and Dad miserable.  Talk about making them miserable, I must not forget the time our gerbil got out of the cage and made its way to our parents bed!  I won't get into details, but you can imagine what happened after that.  It all seams unreal that they never took us out back into the woods and shot every one of us!

They took care of us when we were sick, with only one complaint:  "Quit throwing up, I'm running out of towels."  We were always too scared to get up and run to the bathroom and even if we did, we never made it.  They were even there through the five of us having chicken pox!

You know those little phases that everyone goes through when they are growing up?  Well, my parents put up with those too.  One night after a long confidential meeting in their bedroom, Rich and Dave announced to Mom and Dad they were running away.  Mom bundled them up because it was the dead of winter, and sent them on their way.  Needless to say, it was dark and they came back in a hurry asking for a ride.  After minutes of begging and getting no where, they decided to stay until morning.  Mom said it was now or never.  So, life in the Murdoch house went on as always!

My parents have seen it all!  They are still here, hopefully to see a whole lot more.  I guess they'll always be raising us kids in their own little way.  Teaching us right from wrong and all of life's little mysteries.  One day they'll be sitting back laughing as we try to do the same with our kids.  They always said "Wait until you have kids, you'll see!"  Of course, we all swore our kids would be angels, unlike the terrors we were, and if they weren't then they would be spending an awful lot of time at Grandma & Grandpa's house!  Some day we will all learn exactly what they meant!

So the question remains;  Who are my parents?  I still haven't figured it out!  Superhuman?  Maybe not, but I do know that they are terrific parents that really love us a lot!

I should note, that after I got married they up and left for Arizona, something we were all pretty shocked by!  Our kids ARE all terrors and they really don't get to spend nearly enough time with Grammie & Papa!  :)  I'm sure they are having a good laugh at our expense!

Another Milestone....

            Tomorrow will mark the end of Lilly's fifth year at Eisenhower Academy.  They have a ceremony called Fifth Grade Farewell before they move on to Junior High.  Eisenhower has been an incredible experience for Lilly and has really helped her grow academically and as a person.  Lilly completed first through fifth grade on high honors, every quarter, all five years.  I am, we are, so incredibly proud of her!  As we celebrate this amazing milestone though, I am also completely broken!  Crying for Maggie!  That she will NEVER have this opportunity!  That I was not able to heal her to a point that she could accomplish this or that she could have the chance to even try!  So often, I feel like such a complete failure in everything I have tried for her!  I had to accept a long time ago, that even though her IQ is through the roof, that she probably was not going to be given the opportunities that Annabelle & Lilly have had.  It doesn't mean I don't fight every day to get her there!  It most definitely does not mean that it doesn't break my heart! Over and over, again!  As her Mother, it devastates me!  I watch those days of complete and total "normalcy" between Maggie, Lilly and Annabelle, where they are equal!  Where Maggie's brilliance shines through with her sisters!  I ask, why not every day?  What are we missing?  It is painstaking!  She has missed out on the academic cultivation that Eisenhower could have given her, going to the same school as her sisters, the incredible music program Dist 86 offers and the friendship of kids in the same area!  I feel there is so much more for her, like she is being held back when she should be excelling!  It exhausts me! As we search for a preschool that is a right fit for Murdoch, the same feelings hit.  I am so thankful that our other children don't have the same struggles that Maggie has, but I know I will feel the same as Murdoch begins hitting his milestones!  It will be a continuous vicious cycle.  As I sit in Eisenhower's Gym tomorrow, I will beam with pride and excitement for Lilly!  I will keep it about her, but I guarantee there will be tears of both joy, for Lilly, and sadness, for Maggie!


 

A Day In The Life of...

...PDD-NOS, Sensory Processing Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, ADHD & Impulse Control Disorder!

It isn't right!

The craziness,

The chaos!

Jumping...screaming

Crying...laughing

Bumping...rolling

Pounding...hitting

IT'S ALL WRONG!

Too tired....can't sleep,

Too loud...too quiet

Turn it up...turn it down

SHUT UP!  Please?

Too soft...too crunchy

It smells...it doesn't

Icky...yummy

I DON'T LIKE THAT!

It hurts...it tickles

Hug me....squeeze me

Carry me...put me down

LEAVE ME ALONE!

Too hot...too cold

Too itchy...too soft

Too short...too long

Too loose...to tight

IT DOESN'T FIT RIGHT!

SCHOOL'S STUPID!

I CAN'T DO IT!

IT'S DISGUSTING!

YOU'RE HURTING ME!

MY BRAIN HATES ME!

MAKE IT GO AWAY!

ARGH!

MOMMY?

I LOVE YOU!

In the midst of the chaos, there is greatness! It is just my wish that the greatness would rescind the chaos! ~ Sandra Becker

* Almost four years since I originally posted this and I can tell you there is hope and the greatness does eventually rescind the chaos...and it's BEAUTIFUL!!

 

 

Another Birthday

Maggie turned 9 today.  Yesterday we celebrated with her siblings and one of her Uncles, an Aunt and two of her cousins.  It was a good day for her.  She received a new bike from us and a doll from her cousins that she had been wanting.  However, for the past 2 months have been spent telling her she cannot have a slumber birthday party.  She has one friend she could invite and her cousin who is 4 yrs the younger.  When she was in first grade we were able to have a swimming party at the park districts indoor pool for her with all the girls from her class.  This was the year she spent in an inclusion classroom and had really grown as far as attending school went.  She had a very disciplined teacher and a special education teacher that had gone to a seminar to understand her primary diagnosis, Sensory Processing Disorder.  She was doing INCREDIBLE in this classroom. She had an absolutely wonderful time.  She was, well, a normal kid on this day.  She was a normal 7 year old.  The stimulation didn't bother her, her auditory was on track, her maturity and social skills were both completely age appropriate.  This day was nothing short of MIRACULOUS.  By the time she entered 2nd grade a lot had changed at her school and change is not a good thing for Maggie!  After a rough start, classroom changes and med changes we eventually had to remove her from her school to an out of district school.  She spends her days in a classroom with other children that have diagnosed behavior, emotional, neurological and mental impairments and disabilities.  These children are all there from various school districts surrounding the school, and they are ALL boys.  You can't exactly have a princess party with a group of boys or a slumber party for that matter.  It has proven heartbreaking for me to continually tell her no.  To try and reason with her.  To try and reassure her.  I honestly thought that having the day off of school for her birthday would be considered awesome to her.  Not so much!  It isn't that she wants to be at school, but it has been nothing but an emotional roller coaster ride today.  She was sure that she was having a party even though we had not invited anyone over and there were no invitations.  She was sure that even though I had said no several dozen times over the past 2 months that there was in fact going to be a slumber party.  She is in fact devastated by it all!  Another birthday of feeling like a complete failure as a parent!  Another day of not having a clue how to make it all better.  Just another birthday!

Nightmare Weekly Appointment

We made our weekly outing to Planet Chiropractic last night.  It is the same routine every week.  We go in, do our exercises, get adjusted, spend 5 minutes with head weights, maybe pick up supplements or pay and go home.  I remind Maggie to not touch things that she isn't suppose to and don't go in rooms, specifically the x-ray room, that she is not allowed in.  This week I forgot the reminders, but you would think that after 14 months of going weekly that it would be a habit.  Not so much!  Here is yet another example of Impulse Control Disorder!  I hate this disorder!  Not that I like any of her disorders, but I really hate this one! 

Another difference with this visit was that we were having our re-exams.  A simple and quick scan of our spine.  Maggie, Lilly and I went in first while Annabelle sat with Murdoch.  Maggie finished and I sent her out to get adjusted and then told her to go sit in the play area, then Lilly and I sent her out to get Annabelle and have her adjustment.  I had my scan and Annabelle came in the room.  They gave Annabelle her scan, Dr. Wolf left the room so we could get dressed and CRASH!  "I hope that wasn't Maggie!"  I said to Annabelle.  (Insert scary Annabelle face.) I leave the room and Dr. Majors says "She broke a picture in the x-ray room."  UGH!  Once again I feel defeated, lost, angry, stressed and ultimately embarrassed!  I want to cry, bury my head and crawl away never to be seen again.  Maggie is with Dr. Jenna and I ask her what happened.  She doesn't really have an answer.  Excuses basically.  I can't even manage an "I'm sorry!" to Dr. Majors or I will break down.  I send her back to the front, I do my head weights for 5 minutes, which involved Lilly coming in three times to tell me how much Maggie is annoying her and won't leave her alone.  I send her out three times.  I walk out to the front to find them in the chairs pushing and shoving as Annabelle is oblivious listening to her music and Murdoch is running around like a banshee! I sit down to talk to Maggie and Lilly and next thing you know Murdoch is crying!  Really?  I look at Annabelle and she said he hit his head on the ground.  So I am trying to quiet him down and Maggie is up and in everyone's way.  I feel like I have the world watching me, judging me, convicting me of motherly stupidity and negligence!  I just need to get them out!  Get myself OUT!   NOW!

Finally out the door and into the van, I am buckling Murdoch and I say, "Why can't we just be NORMAL for 30 minutes!"  I knew as I was saying it that I shouldn't be saying it.  I couldn't believe I said it, but it was out there! 
Annabelle, without missing a beat, "We aren't NORMAL MOM!  We will NEVER be a NORMAL family!" 
I whisper, "Yes I know!  What I meant, Annabelle, is normal, in the sense of behavior!" 
Annabelle whispers, "Oh, sorry!"

Again, UGH!  Finally home, I ask Maggie again about the picture.  I ask her what was on it and she tells me words.  I asked what the words said and she said she doesn't know.  I ask how do you not know what it said?  If you were close enough to knock it down, you should know what it said.  Her response, "My brain told me I needed to touch it!"  I wanted to fall to the floor and cry.  We haven't heard the words "My brain...." in eight months.  She hasn't described anything using those words for so long and I was so happy to have them gone!  I know that when she uses those words that her body is in chaos and it breaks me!  All I could do was hug her and remind her about not touching, not being in the room, etc. 

At 8 years old Maggie is so immature, yet she is so smart and aware of what her brain and body are doing.  Hatefully aware!  I will do everything I can to keep the cycle from repeating, but this is where the anxiety and anger increase, and any self-esteem she has disappears!  Meltdowns become dominant and self hatred presides!   Her impulses are stronger, her sensory system unregulated, and her mind on overdrive.  We will conquer, I will cry, a lot, and things will get ridiculously frenzied.  Everyone will feel jilted, but we will come out much stronger than before!  During these chaotic times I have to remember that we are still better off than most and look to the positive of everything my kids are!

Anybody There?

This, by the way, is not meant in any way to make any of our friends feel bad.  It is merely meant for others to know they are not alone!  It may even bring some awareness to others.

I often times ponder what happened to all those awesome friendships we had before kids.  Well, really there was never a "before we had kids"!  Cam Jr. was there from day 1, he was 2 when Camron and I started dating.  Now, granted, he wasn't a 24/7 child for us, but he was just easy!  We could take him anywhere with us and he was happy.  Hanging out at the park, playing pool, going to friends, camping, fishing, canoeing, cooking out, it didn't matter.  He was a constant to our weekends.  We could take him to the car shows and boat shows, things like that.  Eventually though our friends just started to dropped off, some because their lives got busy with their own families.  Some because the older the kids got, the harder it was to go elsewhere and actually count on having a good time. It was actually pretty simple to take Annabelle & Lilly out of the house.  With a four year difference between them, Annabelle was self sufficient and pretty mature for the little 4 year old that she was.  There is a 9 year difference between Cam Jr. and Annabelle, so when he was with us, he actually was very helpful.  It wasn't until Lilly turned 1 and I found out I was pregnant that it became difficult.  Of course!  I was constantly fatigued, and maybe it just became habit, but I didn't want to go anywhere!  Maggie came along when Lilly was just 20 months old.  We really didn't have many difficulties with her early on, but it was just simply hard to get out of the house in an organized, non chaotic manner that didn't stress me out.  Most of our friends already had kids, most of them older than ours, and they had their routines.  It seemed we were always headed to someones, for something.  Eventually it got to the point that I was just declining the invites because it was difficult to get out.  We were NEVER on time, EVER!  The older Maggie got, the harder the hits.  People just didn't get that it would be so much easier for them to come to us.  We didn't know what was going on with her.  We just knew it was hard.  A kind of hard that made it grueling and exhausting just to think about it.  No one really understood!  I always felt I was under judgement.  I was actually told once that I made everything more difficult than I needed to.  Murdoch came along when Maggie was 5,  just 9 months into our discoveries of her alphabet soup of diagnosis'.  We tried to put the invites out for our friends to come here and it was always "But we have more room.  Come over here!"  The difficulties, especially with Maggie, grew more and more frustrating.  I can't tell you how many times I had to go off on my own to release the tears, recompose myself, and come back with a smile.  I cry now at the very thought of those days.  You couldn't take your eyes off of her.  There were times that I thought things were going well while we were out and I would relax a bit, but someone would always come back with "Maggie is...."  or we simply wouldn't be able to find her.  We didn't enjoy being out and the other kids had to suffer because of it.  I would be naive to say it didn't affect them.  I know that it still does.  It's not like I can just pack them up and run out with them on my own.  They feed off each other way too much, then everyone is frustrated, angry or crying.  You can't take them into a store or to the mall.  It is either take one of them or leave them all.  The only places we go together now is to gatherings at relatives and to church.  Thank God church is only an hour long, because it is arduous!  Holidays have become much easier with Maggie, but her maturity is still lacking.  She does things socially that you would expect out of a 6 or 7 year old and she is almost 9.  Things that people often times question and children don't understand.  Did you know that there is actually a diagnosis of Impulse Control Disorder?  Maggie is the epitome of Impulse Control Disorder.  She seriously cannot help herself.  Of course, I have been told that I make excuses for her also.  So, who really knows!  I always thought that I would spend my weekends with my friends and their families hanging out.  Kids playing together, some great adult conversation (that I so desperately need), and some compassion and understanding to boot!  That hasn't worked out so great for us!  Friends are few and far between these days.  Even though Belle is old enough to babysit,  we really can't expect her to be able to handle the chaos that the younger ones dish out, just so we can go hang out with friends.  I know, deep down, that the most important thing is, that we have gained so much more through our children, but I miss our friends!